Keeping Your Marriage Pure
“Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.
(Matt. 5:9)
Matthew 5:31-32:
"It has been said, 'Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a
certificate of divorce.' But I tell you
that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes
her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits
adultery. (NIV)
This
is a hard teaching to understand and apply in a culture such as our where
divorce and premarital sex are so prevalent. Nobody wants to talk about divorce
because it’s almost come to the place where we just accept it and say, “It’s
just a part of our society, a part of our world. Nothing will change it.”
And,
to be completely honest, many pastors and church leaders fall into the same
pattern of thinking. After all, in spite of the teaching, resources, marriage
encounters and even books that are being written, there is still a statistic
that 50 percent of the people that attend church get divorced.
So, the question that must be asked is, “Is this to be
literally interpreted and applied in today’s culture? There are so many who
have been divorced – often times not of their own choosing – are they
committing adultery and living in sin if they remarry?”
The answer is often debated in Christian circles, and we
must study what the rest of the Bible has to say about divorce while keeping in
mind that Jesus often used extreme statements to bring the hearer to an
understanding of their need for a merciful Savior. In addition, we must
understand the culture and context to which Jesus was speaking. Let’s begin by
looking at the context.
The thing to remember as we look at the context of this
teaching is that Jesus has gathered his disciples and he is telling them how to
live a blessed and happy life in the kingdom
of God. He isn’t laying
down a law to be forced upon society, nor is he interested in writing another
book of religious rules like the Talmud. That just wasn’t his style or purpose
in his stories and teachings. Instead, he worked from the inside out, working
in the hearts of individuals to bring each one to a point of repentance and
turning to God for mercy and forgiveness.
Therefore, when he tells his disciples to not get
divorced, he is saying, “If you want to be blessed, if you want to have a happy
and abundant life in Me, then be pure in heart by honoring your marriage vows
and staying married to one person your entire life.” He is not saying that
divorce is the unpardonable sin and a guarantee of hellfire nor does he say
that staying married to the same person will guarantee salvation. But he is,
however, setting a high standard and saying that if you hit this mark, if you
stay married to the same person, you will be on your way to being happily pure
in heart.
This high standard, this “raising the bar” when it comes
to reasons for a divorce, was very much needed at the time in which Jesus
walked the earth. Divorce was rampant, even among the Jews. Let’s look at
Matthew 19:3, another place where Jesus talks about divorce:
"Some
Pharisees came to him to test Him and they said, "Is it lawful for a man
to divorce his wife for any and every reason?" (Matthew 19:3)
Notice the phrase “any and every reason” – the reason
they asked about “any and every reason” was because people were getting
divorced for any and every reason! In the Jewish Talmud, you could divorce your
wife if her hair was gray! In fact, if she could not cook, you could get a
divorce! Any and every reason was a reason to get a divorce in the Talmud.
Jesus spoke against this and “raised the bar” so that women would be protected
and marriages would be strengthened.
Jesus didn’t stop there, though. The preceding verses,
which we studied in yesterday’s reading, made divorce and adultery an issue of
the heart:
"You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit
adultery.' But I tell you that anyone
who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his
heart. (Matthew 5:27-28)
To Jesus, adultery in your heart is as serious an issue
as the physical act itself. After all, it is out of the fullness of the heart
that the mouth speaks and the behavior flows. So when we talk about divorce, it
isn’t just the legal act of divorce that the Lord is referring to when he
declares “I hate divorce” in Malachi 2:16.
It is also all the stuff that often goes along with divorce – lying lips,
violence, abuse, selfishness, greed, pride, and all the pain that goes along
with it. The Lord hates divorce, but not the people. His heart is broken over
the pain inflicted on husband and wife, sons and daughters, in-laws and family
members, friends and co-workers.
My heart for everyone who reads this blog is that they
would find wholeness and contentment in their marriage or in their singleness,
whatever his or her situation might be. A whole book could be written towards
that end – and many have – but for now let’s zero in on the key to happiness
that Jesus gives us here: If you want to be blessed and happy in your marriage,
or in your singleness for that matter, keep your heart pure by keeping it free
from the contaminants of unrighteous comparisons and illicit lust.
Don’t
compare your spouse to other people and think your life would be better if you
just had someone else other than the one to whom you are married. If you are
single, don’t think that, “If I can only marry Mr. or Ms. Right then I will be
fulfilled.” Instead, simply tell the Lord that, "What You have given me,
Lord, is enough. Help me to enjoy the life You have given me and to be
thankful. I will trust you for the future and in all things…"
This simple change in attitude and in your approach to
your life circumstances will change your life. It will turn you from discontented
depression to contentment and joy. It will put you back on the narrow path to
purity of heart and the happiness that comes from seeing the Savior working in
you and through you. I can’t wait to hear the testimony of what God does in
your life!
Pray with me:
“Father, I know I
haven’t always been the best husband/wife/single person…help me to be content
with my place in life and to trust you to bring good out of it…help me to have
faith and to focus on you rather than looking longingly to others to bring me
the joy and contentment that only you can bring…”
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